Friday, September 30, 2005

Everyone Loves A Catholic School Girl!

I've recently been sent an email with a list entitled: "You're a catholic private school girl when...". Although not all of these things apply to me, I've picked the ones that are eerily close to the truth.

You mastered the art of cheating and cramming: I use to wear a kilt to school, and right under the fold on my lap, hide the answers for the test by safety pinning them to my skirt. That way, if I had to stand without warning I wouldn't be busted. Other methods include hiding it in the shorts you wear under your skirt, in your knee sock, or in the sleeve of your shirt and/or sweater. NEVER write it on your hands or anywhere else. They usually check for ink.

At one time, you liked your uniform: Hey, if you dressed it up the right way, the damn thing didn't look so bad. Trade in the usual stocking and penny loafers for fishnets and Doc Martins, ass a couple of choice accessories (dog collar, studded bracelets, ect.) and put on some black eyeliner and viola! Punk rock chic! Never underestimate a Catholic school girl who has to look good for a date at the last minute.

Everyone kisses each other to greet people: Now see, I never did this when I was in catholic school, but I saw everyone else do it. So does it still count if you do it outside the school? Most likely not...

You violated as many dress codes as possible and when you get caught, you pretended that you 'didn't know': In the two years I went to Dominican Academy, I got busted for wearing boots on 18 different occasions. At the risk of having to pay a $10 fine, wouldn't you lie too?

You have NO problem joking around about being a lesbian: Well it's not really joking if you have one foot in either playing field is it? Either way, I love kidding around like that. Mostly because I can go back and tell the girl you're really straight....^.^;

You spent many a religion class listening to your teacher preach about the Church's take on premarital sex, abortion, and the death penalty: And history class, and math class, and health class and English class....

You SERIOUSLY don't know how to shut up: I hate you John....

"Remember when's" are your specialty: But mine are always so funny, at least the ones I tell in school now. Also, see above comment.

***Guys ask you if you still have your uniform and if you would wear it for them***: JESUS if you only knew how many guys who found out I now go to public school have asked me that! Scary thing is though, I do still have it, and it fits too.

You know your friends haven't shaved it they wear pants for more than 3 or 4 days: I would think that this is just a woman's things in general. Come on ladies, you can't tell me not some of you take a break during the winter months. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Your parents are more involved than you in school: And they my mom still is. Jeez, you would think that would wear off after I stopped going to Catholic school. But I guess after eleven years it's programmed into her brain...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Please, Don't Give Me False Hope...You Bastards

I am seriously going to hunt down the people who post comments that are ads. I want all these people do catch AIDS and discover they have cancer on the same day. Preferably the type that causes great and severe pain. And I hope they live many years with this pain.

Fuck you people. You're ad whores, and no one likes an ad whore. Even I don't whore myself out like that. Fuck all you people. I hope you live a long life filled to the brim with pain and suffering, and the luck that whenever you try to comment suicide to escape that it fails miserably and only adds to your suffering.

Good night to all.

Friday, September 23, 2005

There's Something Very Wrong About This...

I've just come back from the supper market. Now there are some things I saw there that I feel I have to vocalize my complaints about:

Soda is $0.85
Is it just me or is there something very wrong with soda being cheaper than milk? For the longest time, we've been told both as children and adults (especially women) to drink milk. Now I don't know how many more cheapos are out there, but the temptations to buy six 2 liter sodas instead of 3 gallons of milk is really big. This goes even more for families on a tight budget. No wonder we're getting so fucking big. And stupid too since sugar kills brain cells.

That explains my stupidity, but still doesn't explain the liberal's...Since they don't believe in soda.

Meatless Meatballs?
Why would you still call them meatballs...When they don't have any meat in them? They're made out of tofu, soy and/or veggies, therefore they are no longer meatballs. Think up a new name. You freaking hippies are so good at storming up idiotic ideals, why not take a day off and think up a name for these accursed wads of supposedly edible material.

I would suggest Tofu Fun Bites, or Soy Boys. I personally like they name, Total Pieces of Shit That Shouldn't Be Allowed To Exist.

Low Carb Bread
Isn't this an oxymoron? How did they invent this bastard child of the
food pyramid? Just imagine all the work and science that went into that. Shouldn't we be using such advanced technology and genius scientist to find cures for some serious diseases? As far as I know, there are still people out there dying of cancer and AIDS.

Use your resources wisely. I think we need a cure for AIDS/HIV worse than we need carb-free bread.

Soy Milk
Not only is this stuff nasty, it's just wrong. No one should drink this stuff unless they're allergic to milk. Some might argue that it doesn't taste to bad. It does to me. Why? Because when I hear the word "milk" I expect a certain smooth, fresh taste. That taste has not been found in any of the brands of soy milk I have tried. The only acceptable use for this stuff is in straight up or in your health cereal. It has no right trying to replace chocolate milk, shouldn't be anywhere near coffee, and has absolutely NO place near a cookie of any kind. Especially
oreos. And God help the blasphemer who makes ice cream out of it.

To quote
Lewis Black: "There is no such thing as soy milk, because there is no such thing as a soy titty."

Someone please tell me if I'm the only one who thinks these things are wrong. The worse thing is I know that as I sit here blogging, there are people out there thinker of stupider products. What's even worse than that, is that people actually buy them. Lord help us all...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Good News, Bad News, More Laughs, more Boos

They say when you're happy the world joins in your glee; when you're sad you're on your own. Well, something like that. How about friends whose daily engagement with others consists of negative comments, a cloudy outlook on life and general misery that they expect their friend to latch onto and bear some of the weight for? Granted, it happens. We all have moments where venting to those we consider good listeners makes us feel better and them feel worse, and in our act of selfishness we don't care what's going on at their end.

Well, how about when the "tides change" (to use such a horrible cliche) and it's springtime in the conscience of thought for the formerly wearer talker? I think it is that person's moral duty to share with the world, or at least those they cried to for pity, this joy and goodness they're feeling.

Good things will come out of bad. Yes, life is promising.

Monday, September 12, 2005

A Great Way to Stop Rapist!!

This should be a great be a great deterant for rapist, but there's just one question:

What's going to happen if you forget to take out the condom when you're with someone you actually want inside of you?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Frivolous Suits: Fucking Morons

I have to, finally, say a little something about frivolous law suits and the people who are the plaintiffs in this case: Fucking grow up and take responsibility for your actions!

I hate these people. Possibly more than anyone else on earth who hasn't hurt someone or committed a deadly sin. These are the people, on a larger scale, are the ones who go to the PTA board when their kids fuck up and blame it on the teachers when its really solely the kids/parents fault. These people should be hauled out and bitch slapped. Possibly shot.

These people are suing McDonald's and the cigarette companies are stupid, pure and simple. Inhaling smoke, common sense tells most of us, is bad for you. Because gee, I don't know, when there's a fire people usually die from inhaling the smoke. Same thing with fast food. What the hell do you think's going to happen to you when you pour fat down your throat all day? I'm just waiting for someone to sue Atkins. You know it's coming. Because no one on that diet stopped to think, "Hmm, is it really healthy for me to be eating meat all day? Is a diet that allows me to eat three pounds of beef, but not one single apple healthy for me?"

Most likely...Not.

People need to fucking think. Use common sense. Fast food isn't healthy for you. Smoking isn't healthy for you. Which does NOT advocate anti-2nd hand smoking idiots. That's another group of people who don't use their god damn brains. If you don't want smoke in your lungs, then avoid it. You don't want to drink where there's too much smoke, then leave and go somewhere else. You don't want to work where there's smoke? WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE!!

Restaurants I can sorta understand. Smelling smoke while you eat is pretty nasty...

But to everyone else, stop it. You're making us look bad. You're the reason why people in other countries think we're stupid! You and those kids who don't know how to read because their parents are more concerned about themselves and their careers than their offspring. So stop suing people for your own choices! And fucking pick up a book and read with your children!!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Good News: Hippies Are Causing Their Own Destruction!

To my fellows:
Have you ever thought to yourself when observing a hippie, or any other kind of annoying new-age scum bag: Gee it would be really neat if they could never produce any offspring and just die off? Well now all your wishing will come true! Curtosy of King's College in London, England we find out that this just thought of our might actually be a reality.

Through the research of these fine young fellows we find that the very substance of these...peoples existance is causing their extinction. Thanks to soy, it is possible that these annoyaces will slowly die out.

That's right eat up...Kill your sprem and egg count...And remember, it's healthy for you.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

What The Fuck?! Jesus Christ Almighty...

What the fuck is this? What, the fuck, is this? Don't tell me it's what I think it is. Because it looks like two cops looting a store right along with other people down there in good ole New Orleans...

See this shows the difference between well trained cops and these cops. You know what? They don't even deserve to be called cops. Stealing crap from WalMart right along with the other criminals instead of stopping them. They shouldn't have been given the chance to resign, they should have been fired. I can see why two of them shot themselves. It's fucking shameful behavior that makes all cops look bad, and all police officers that are ashamed or angered by this should be allowed to smack the police officers who are still alive...

And did I hear right? The governor said that if the crimes aren't violent to ignore them? Does that stupid bitch even know what she's doing? She's destroying the economy even further by letting these vandals get away with hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of dollars of merchandise. What an idiotic broad, plain and simple. Does she even comprehend what she's doing? What could possibly be damages that'll take years to reverse? Just...What a fucking idiot.

Someone needs to go down there and shoot every moronic government official down there, or at least bitch slap them...Multiple times. Anybody else willing to volunteer with me to go down there?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

As If Michael Didn't Have Enough Problems...

As if I didn't have enough proof that Michael Jackson is a fucking lunatic, this comes along.

Whatever little incy bit of sanity was left in Michael has now been totally lost. And despite the name of this blog, Michael has gone out of the block that even I would call "slightly insane but fit for society". This man isn't fit for society of any kind.
Charles Manson is probably looking at the guy saying "Jesus Christ this guy is fucking nuts!". They should start keeping him in a little room in the Neverland Ranch where he could look out the window at the animals and dress up as Peter Pan all he wants...Except he doesn't get any Lost Boys this time. That's what got him in trouble in the first place.

According to the article, Mr. Jackson wants to build a landing strip in Nevada for extra-terrestrials. For fucking aliens. Michael Luckman, the head of the New York Center for Extraterrestrial Research is helping him. He supports him, saying that Jackson wants to welcome these aliens to our planet and film the landing. Luckman also is quoted in saying that Jackson has admitted to being from another planet himself.

Okay Michael, we know you had a troubled childhood. Your father abused you, you had no childhood to speak of, and you were a Jehovah's Witness. You spent your whole life as an idol and you have no clue what it is to be to be normal. We...Or at least I can understand why you're so fucked up. Why you don't want to be who you are, and keep pretending to be other people. But this is going a step to far. You might look like you came from another planet, compliments of your self-abusive nature, but come down to earth damnit...Your real home planet.

Michael Jackson, not only are you psycho...Possibly beyond such a label and level of mental health...
You are a fucking moron. Or at least your press agent is. Then again, do you still have a press agent? I mean, if would have given up on you oh so long ago, despite the pay. It doesn't seem worth the problem. Then again you'd probably get paid even more because of what you fucking have to go through. I don't know...All I know is Michael is officially psycho. Beyond psycho. If it wasn't for the fuck that they have proof of him when he looked normal, I would have to agree with Michael on the fact that he's from another planet.

Then again these things can be forged and doctored...

Liar, Liar, We Should Set You On Fire...Or Shouldn't We?

Lying is a very touchy subject. Everyone lies, unless you're Jesus. No, I mean really are Jesus and not some psycho who's trying to start a cult. I lie (more than I should) to my parents. Usually to save my own skin from being flayed from my body. I've also lied to other people to save their feelings and not cause a scene. I've also been lied to, mostly by people who are either evil, stupid, mean or just an ass. Lying comes to some of us as naturally as breathing, eating, sleeping and fucking does to most people. So why are we so uptight when someone lies to us?

First lets look at what constitutes as a lie shall we?

What is a lie? If one were to look up the word lie on Google, they would find
this page, on which contains a definition that states "[to] tell an untruth; pretend with intent to deceive...a statement that deviates from or perverts the truth...". Now, not to sound cliche, but what exactly constitutes as the truth? Well there are many different kinds of truth when you think about it. There's the truth you find about yourself, your true nature...There's that great big truth of what happens after we check out of the Hotel Living...There's the truth that's mentioned in that great Superman catch phrase, "Truth, justice and the American way."...And then there's just plain old truth. All the other truths are the one that can be "tricky", but this one is just plain and simple.

What is 2+2, were you sitting in that chair, where were you at 12:05? Simple black and white truths. Nothing philosophical. This is the truth I'm talking about. Stuff that if you lie about, and someone's able to prove you wrong without a doubt, you get screwed. Now that that's settled...

Is lying acceptable? That's the question. And lets not make it easy by cutting up the "lies and truths" categories any further. No little white lies, no lies for their own good, no exceptions. We are using the plain old-fashioned definition: a statement that deviates from or perverts the truth. So with that put on the table, I ask you, can you except lying? Is lying any better if one has a good reason? That's usually the case. One that we normally see when a government is keeping something away from the public "for our own good".

But if we can except that, then why can't we except when a teenager lies to their parents about where they've been or what their doing? They have a perfectly good and logical reason too: they don't want to get in trouble. Another example would be the vice versa of the previous statement, a parent lying to their child. It's like the initial example because when the child asks their parents why they lied, the usual answer is that "it was for your own good". Is it better for a person in athority to lie than it is for someone who's not? Better yet is it acceptable for one to lie to the other and be upset when the other lies as well?

Some people would say that they're totally different, but in essence it really isn't.

Another thing is, is it acceptable to lie to someone who lied to you? Most would say yes. But then you'd be perpetuating the same behavior that hurt/angered/offended you. Would that make things any better? Not at all. Then again, what right does that person have to be told the truth? They didn't tell it to you, so why should you tell it to them? It's all perspective really.

So the question still stands: Is a lie, any lie, acceptable? Something to think about when you're bored.

Monday, September 05, 2005

The Fate of CBGBs & Hurricane Katrina

Enough of this hiatus thing, I miss my blog too much!

I have just gotten news of CBGBs loosing their lease. And what, might you ask, is a CBGBs? For those of you who don't like clicking on links, CBGBs is a New York institution. Located on 315 Bowery Street, it's the home of underground rock and the birthplace of US punk. Bands who have performed there include Guns & Roses, The Ramones, Green Day and many others. Despite the best efforts of us in the rock community CBGBs has lost its lease and is in danger of being kicked out of the location where they have been since 1973. Thankfully some people don't forget their roots, and bands are coming in from all over to help save CBGBs, the place that fostered both their love of music and their careers.

Long live CBGBs! We will not go quietly!

Now on to bigger and, although not better, more important topics. Like Hurricane Katrina.

I am fucking sick and tired of certain parties (*coughcough* liberals and democrats) using the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to boost support for their political agendas. It's fucking 9/11 all over again, and I swear I'm going to kill someone.

All I hear on the 24 hour news channels, besides the same visuals and audios over and over again, are circle-jerk desk jockeys trying to make a case for the liberal camp's argument. They keep on complaining about how long it took for the National Guard to get there. First off, only 30% of the National Guard is over in Iraq and other parts of the Middle East. That leaves, taking off another 10% in other parts of the world just to be safe, 60% here in the United States. Not only do you have the National Guard, you have the US Military. Yes, you hippies, we have troops over here. You know, in case someone attacks us on our own soil? Oh, and lets not forget the Red Cross as another form of relief.

Lets get this straight. Louisiana is not, I repeat, is not the only place that was hit by Hurricane Katrina. They didn't even get the worse of it. Missouri and Alabama are two other states that got hit just as bad, if not worse. So pardon my way of thinking if I'm not bitching, and complaining, about how long it took for them to get to New Orleans and other cities in Louisiana. Not our fault that you people didn't pay attention to the prior warning and didn't start evacuating. Blame the governor and other state officials. LEAVE BUSH ALONE!! Christ, he was even quoted on saying how disgusted he was on how long it took for aid to get set up down there.

So lets focus on helping these people okay? Leave your damn agendas to the side for just a second and sign a check to help these poor people out. You goddamn bastards. That goes for Republicans too! Don't sink down to their level and use this to promote what a good person Bush is. If people cant see it for themselves now, then their not worth convincing. Now go give some goddamn money!

What I Stand For (about Freakin' Time!)

*The death penalty- For years I was a staunch supporter simply because I thought all evil people should die. Then, I considered the idea that the only thing a cold-blooded murderer has in common with God is that both take lives. God, on the other hand, also gives life, to both cold-blooded murderers and other miscreants of the law, and to upstanding people who should not be given the right to take on a role designated for the Creator. Once again, I changed my mind, because I believe that anyone with the inclination to kill has the devil in them and his trip to hell should be all the more quicker.

*Pro-life- At the moment of conception, a human life has been created. A woman and a doctor don't want to fit in the above category of murderer, now do they? And partial-birth abortion? Giving a baby his first breath and then having them taken away all because the "mother" is too selfish to let him live? If you can't afford or have a desire to be a parent, try adoption. If you don't want to get fat and have morning sickness, try abstinence.

*Pro- U.S military- We are the leaders of the world. When France was destroyed after World War 2 who jumped to her aid? The US. When Iraqi women were raped and murdered for trying to live the way Western women live, and then the fundamentalists from neighboring countries came to our shores and took over 1,000 innocent lives, who sent troops over to make the women's dreams a reality and start a little thing called democracy? The US. Who, with a few other countries in tow, will one day put an end to terrorism, hence making lives of people the world over much, much safer? The US.

*Pro-God- "One nation UNDER GOD." So the Ten Commadments need to be removed from court buildings because it goes against the separation of church and state. You know what I find interesting? (advance thanks to Ann Coulter for pointing this out first) It's considered offensive to have the Ten Commandments displayed outside of a place of religion, but you know what's allowed to stay? A few years ago, if you recall, the Brooklyn Museum of Art had an exhibit with pornographic pictures in the same light at the Virgin Mary. Abstract art that goes a step further and blatantly attacks the Catholic church. The Ten Commadments can be seen in a secular sense as well, e.g. "Thou shalt not steal" can be used to deter burglars, "Respect thy father and thy mother" in cases of child support. I can go on, but I'll just go to my next case.

*Pro-arms- Ever hear a little something that says "A right to bear arms?" It was written long after the Ten Commandments, but, like them, has been overlooked. It's nearly impossible in many states, including good old blue New York, to get a license to own a gun. Studies have shown that in places where gun ownership is a way of life, crime has been reduced. Women especially, need this extra self-defense device to ward off rapists, murderers and other bullies willing to take advantage of someone bigger than them. Speaking of which...

*Pro-severe punishment- I recently read about chemical castration, where the ":man" that commits the crime has to take pills to diminish his sex drive. I'll go a step further and have a want for actual castration of the male genitalia. This is against his civil rights? Well, how about the woman's rights to live without having her sexual parts violated? Do you think she'll ever be able to live the same again? This goes for policemen as well. They have nighsticks for a reason(see New Orleans) and if someone is going to make things harder for either a policemen or an innocent civilian, I only wish it was made of steel. I recall the case of Michael Fay in Singapore back in 1994, when, as an American in their country, he was caned for vandalism. At the time I thought it cruel and unusual punishment, now I ask why we don't have it.

*Pro-English as the official language- When my father's grandparents moved to Brooklyn, they barely spoke English. His mother went to a school with English speaking children, then came home to speak Italian. Eventually, through the daughter, the parent's learned, English. My mother's grandfather came to this country speaking Spanish and minimal English, and somehow managed to marry a woman with an Irish name. He learned his English through his wife and 11 children. In a recent case of one of my mother;s friends whose daughter is autisitc, there was no Special Ed class for her, but plenty of ESL classes for her classmates to be ":enriched" in. In other words, all the funding goes the way of slowing down learning English and none for the American with special needs. Ironic, no? Why should there be "No Smoking" signs in 5 languages when someone comes to vote? Can't all that money spent on paper be used more efficiently?

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Wisdom From a Squirel

All hail your lord and master, Foamy the Squirel of IllWillPress.com...

His words are wise and mighty.

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