Saturday, July 30, 2005

Do Not Adjust Your Monitors...

Yes, you did read right...Dear old Johnny-Boy's a blogger on Sanity Is Subjective. Really, i dont know WHAT the bloody hell i was thinking, but i am in need of bloggers to carry out my evil plot of taking over the world...or being FrankJ's subordante, either one.

May God have mercy on our souls...Maybe i should get kat and jason to conteract the entire Karl Rove-ness John brings to the stew.

Hope you two are reading this! ^.^ I'm gonna get you my pretties! And your little blogs too!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

WARNING!!!

Readers of the Sanity is Subjective blog, I call for your attention! I, Raquel, am constantly concerned for your safety, mainly because I don't want to loose what little viewers I have. (Don't leave me...Please?) Taking this into consideration, I give to you some product warning that I myself find very useful...If I were a complete retard.

It's time for wacky product warnings!!
*****************************************


Lets start with a classic...
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."- child sized Superman costume
Come on, like you haven't read this product warning while shopping for a costume at Party City. As far as I'm concerned, any kid who wears this and thinks it allows him to defy the laws of physics and fly, should be allowed to attempt this feat. Cleanse the gene pool.

"Instructional video on how to hook up your VCR!"- found on VCR box
I hope they put that there assuming that you already own a VCR, and even if you do, doesn't the fact that the old VCR is working proof you can probably figure out how to do it again?

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." - bottle of dog shampoo
Now see...I can't even give a clever retort for that. That's how stumped this has gotten me.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." - Electronic thermometer
A warning like this suggests that some people actual do such a thing. Not something I want to ponder on for too long...

"Please keep out of children." - on a butcher knife package
It's not, "Please keep keep out of reach of children.". The damn thing says "Please keep out of children" period. Why do children get all the protection a warning offers? That hardly seems fair at all. What about adolescents, or adults? How about the elderly? Old people need protection too!

"For best results start with a clean bathtub before use."- bottle of bathroom cleanser
That way you can't tell exactly how crappy the product is...Very ingenious. Bravo and good show to the people in that company who thought that one up!

"Warning: May contain nuts."- on a jar of peanut butter
Just...Next one please.


"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."- package of airline peanuts
Oh great! Another idiotic peanut warning! Well instructions really.But they're right next to the product warning, which will undoubtedly say something to the means of "May contain nuts. Do not eat if you are arallergic to nuts.". But this sort of thing doesn'existst anymore. They stopped giving out peanuts because some stupid yuppie sued, claiming the dust from the peanuts might have killed him. In any case I think the same thing said about the Superman costume should apply to anything with peanuts: if you are stupid enough to eat peanuts when you're allergicic to them, you deserve what you get for being an idiot. That's all I have to say about that. No more nut or obvious food allergy warnings, thank you.

"Intended for use on hair only, not eyes."- shampoo bottle
I thought so! Mainly because, gee I don't know, because THERE IS NO NEED TO WASH YOUR EYEBALLS. Ladies and gentleman, this is what God made tears and eyedrops for. There is no need for eyeball soap.

"No activation required. Call toll-free number to activate."- cell phone package
Yet again, not reIlly a warning, but I still count it in. Mainly because this is might be some small shred of proof that cell phones really do fry your brain...

"Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice."- box of rat poison
"Damn! I don't want my rats to get cancer! I just want them to die, or contract Lou Gehrig's disease. Possibly Alzheimers so they forget that they want to be on my properly and leave, but not cancer!" Come on people, really now! Isn't that a good thing, that it gave the lab mice cancer? Proof that the stuff works. It kills them and that's good enough for me. Then again a PETA member might want a more humane rat posion, but who cares what they think. They're from PETA, they're not capable of what some of us call "thought".

"Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals."- directions for a Swedish chainsaw
Proving that forgeiners are strange people. I don't even want to know how they decided to add "genitals". Hands I can see. For those of us who havent evolved enough to know how to use buttons and swtiches or haven't quite learned that we don't put our hands in the way of sharp, revolving instruments. But genitials? Do I really want to hear the story behind why this was even considered let alone put in the manuel?

"Keep frozen."-on a bag of ice
...Lets just keep moving shall we?

"Product will be hot after heating." - super market desert box
Good Lord, in the name of all things holy! Would someone give me the next one?

"Warning: Will deposit ink onto paper." - printer packaging
Thank you Captain obvious! Did you know that pens can do the exact same thing? Fascinating!

"Do not use intimately." - tube of deodorant
See this was put on the package for my fellow nymphos...Would be a shame to see that during the act and not before hand, wouldn't it? Would be quite embarassing I can tell you that. Then again these people who are resorting to use of a tube of deodorant like that aren't the sort of people that really care if you're suppose to use it like that or not. I mean really people, I know times get desperate, but that's why you always keep a spare. Doing such a thing is not limited to tires and a change of clothes you know.

"Warning: Knives are sharp!"- knife sharpening stone
Sounds like something Bush would need. Otherwise, I am quite sure that most people are aware that knives are sharp. That's why we use them for cutting things.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." - shin guards for bike
Captain Obvious strikes again! Next please...

"Open other end." - bottom of pickle jar
Considering what this is on, I say it's stupid. But otherwise it is a totally valid warning.

"Do not turn upside down." -found on the bottom of a desert package
Now see, this is usually next to or underneath the previous warning, if not as it appears in this example. When put on top of the package, yet again a totally valid warning. But if you put it on the bottom of something, so that you only see the damn thing when your doing exactly what it tell you NOT to do, it's becomes moronic. Completely and utterly. Next warning.

"Warning: May contain small parts."- found on a Frisbee
The mind reels...

"Avoid dropping air conditioner out of window."- found on an AC box
Yes, usually one would avoid dropping such a vital/expensive piece of machinerary out of one's window. Especially if one happens to be a number of stories up from the ground. Although it seems a certain Ctrl+Alt+Del character named Ethan did not read this warning.

"Warning: Not intended for spice usage. May irritate eyes"- can of pepper spray
...Okay now see, I start to loose what little faith I have in humanity reading things like this.

"Warning: very flammable." - found on fire starter log
"Warning: CONTENTS FLAMMABLE!!" - lighter fluid bottle
"Hey Jed! Whatdaya thinksa gonna happened when I holds a lit match to this here fire starter log i got in my hands?"..."I don't know Bud, but I bet it won't be the same as what happens whens you holds a lit match to that there hand you covered in lighter fluid!" By the way, Bud and Jed are not only brothers, but father and son. You think about that.

Warning: Contents are strong. For adult stomachs only.”- on a box of chocolate
Must have liquor in them, or even pot. If not it's a damn good reason to tell those annoying kids they can't have any of your Russell Stovers carmel clusters....

“Remove child before folding.”- infant's stroller
I've heard of neglegant mothers, but this is rediculous. Warning them's not gonna change a thing. I'm pretty damn sure a warning on their child's stroller is going to stop them from folding the child in the stroller if that was their intention.

“Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant or might be pregnant.” - box of birth control pills
And we end the skit on a warning intended for total, complete and unredemable morons and woman who came for morning-after pills but couldn't find any. Both shoudln't be allowed to spawn and infect the gene pool any further, with some people wanting to do to the latter what she wanted to do to her unborn child, which only makes sense. If you plan on getting rid of your child, you might as well send if off with the ship.

Well, that's it for my product warnings post! I hope you all walk away with this having learned something about how to use the products around you. Then again maybe not. But it was good for a laugh or two wasn't it?

Monday, July 25, 2005

I'm Baaaaaack!

But of course I would return to my beloved blog! I have finally come out of most of my readings. It took me longer than usual to finish Potter. This is mainly due to the fact that it was so repetitive that at times I felt like jumping into the book and stabbing certain wizards and witches in their friggin eye!

Eh-hem...Yes well, I am still reading Dexter, and unlike with the HBP, I will not ruin the ending to this wonderful book. Mainly because, well, it's a wonderful book. You must go out and buy it now! Now I say! HEED ME!!!

*cough,cough* In any case, soon I am to leave for my ancestral land of Puerto Rico, so I feel the need to try and write just about every day so that it doesn't look entirely too bad when the page goes blank for about two weeks. ^.^ I am also about to blackmail...I mean torture...I mean threaten...ARGH!! This is not coming out right!

I am about to ask certain people to join me in my quest to bring my glory to the masses! As well as their own if it is worthy of proclaiming...The usual suspects are in line, as they always are. And no, Keyser Soze is not involved in any way. He is way too bust being an evil crime boss to be a regular on my blog, although he has expressed interest in it and is simply waiting for his schedule to free up...

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

OH SWEET, SWEET BLISS!!!

I can't find a better way to say this, but I shall put it this way: Basically, this is what happened to me when I got my hands on the new Dexter book today.

...I ran into my bedroom when I got home to nuzzle with Dexter and have some personal time...What? Why are you looking at me like that?...SO? I like my books. DO NOT JUDGE WHAT YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND!!!!

*runs into bedroom to confide in her darling book*
You are my precious aren't you?...My sweet, sweet precious...Rocky won't let anything happen to you...No nasty tricksies'll get near you, oh no...Not near my precious...*lovingly strokes book* My beautiful darling precious...

Oh Dexter!!

Oh My Dearly, Darling Dexter! How close you are, yet so far away! You know, stupid Barnes & Nobles can stay open later to give out that stupid Harry Mudblood Potter book out, but can't stay open for you? Curses on them all!

In any case it is officially July 19th, and since I am up, I have decided to rejoice on that it is the day that Dexter is out. Although I seriously doubt that it was necessary to reserve the book, I wanted to. Because I like having my own little book put to the side just for me, with a jacket paper-thingie on it with my name on it. It makes me feel special. Besides, there is a safe chance that the only people in the store to lay their grubby little hands on it are the people who took it out of the box and put it aside for me.

Oh Dexter! How I await the hour at which I can read about your sociopathic greatness, which is haunts all my dreams.!

Good thing that Dexter his real, only goes under the name John Emery Konescni. ^.^ (which is creepy because Dexter is actually the only literary character I have read of that reminds me almost EXACTLY of John...You know I think I should be taking this as some sort of sign or omen but whatever...Then again there is Professor Higgins...)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Did I Mention THIS Is The Book Release I'm Really Looking Forward To?

HARRY & THE HALF-BLOODED PRINCE IS FINALLY HERE!

The long awaited release of Harry Potter & The Half-Blooded Prince is finally out! Although who of my friends have been long awaiting the release I cannot say. I have only one thing to say about this book and here it is:


ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS THE ONE WHO DIES.


Ain't I a stinker? Well, enjoy your summer reading everyone. Check out the new Dexter book coming out July 19th!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I Have Found The Holy Grail

And I though I was the only one who loved Rover with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns...But these people make me look sane. Trust me that's hard.

Rover Shrine

What Will Become of Rover?

Before I share with you what has brought on this question, I will bring to you the answer: nothing! Karl Rove is so evil that anyone in their right mind should be scared to even consider doing something. Then again, democrats aren't all there are they?

In any case, Rover is appearently being connected with some sort of CIA leak. I haven't read the article, but I am assuming it has to do with Rove having leaked out the identiy of a political rival's wife while she was on an active case, thus endangering her. First of all, if this is about her, they're a little late. Mainly because this is old and happened, I believe, while Bush was running for office in Texas. But that's only according to what I heard. According to the article on AOL, it happened in July 2003, but still the same concept of Rover doing this to some Democrat who was unwise enough to piss him off still stands. I'm only hoping for them to be more accurate, but not much. It is an AOL article after all.

In any case, I'm covering this for a few reasons: I need to be less lazy and tend to my blog more, I love Rover's political and general evilness, and I'm just in love with how AOL covered the story. The article just made me smile, and I'd like to share some parts of it with you, like it or not.

First of all are the pictures of Rove they got:

They couldn't just get a normal picture of Rove (if that isn't an oxymoron), they had to get a menacing one of him from over the President's shoulder. Which I think is exactly what he would have wanted. And come on don't you just love the effect it gives? He's the evil omniscent presence in the administration, and this picture shows it. Snaps for the person who was brave enough to attempt to take it, for as you can see, he was clearly killed by Rove's evil death vision after it was taken. Rover's clearly aiming for his head. Poor bastard didn't stand a chance...

Another thing I love is that they give a bio on Rove, like the kind you see on trading cards:


The Background on Rove
Age: 54, born in Denver

Education: Attended the University of Utah but didn't graduate

Affiliation With Bush:· Met George W. Bush around 1974, when he was assistant to George H.W. Bush· Adviser to George W. Bush since his first run for governor in 1994

Current Post: Deputy chief of staff

Nickname: "The Architect," coined by President Bush
Sources: AP, cnn.com

I kid you not, this is how it appears on the article. You can check it yourself if you don't believe me. Now it just might be my naivete, but I'm just tickled by this article. It just tries so hard to make him seem evil. Someone should have told them to save their efforts. I mean just look at him, he just oozes evil, and with a nickname like "The Architect", who wouldn't be?

Monday, July 11, 2005

Nice To See Someone Agree With The Obvious

Just to say it here, yes, clips are going to be my new thing. There are some clips that are worth sharing and instead of emailing them to you all, I shall post these clips here. In case anyone gets stupid I shall say here and now that I did not make any of these clips, and I did get them from other people.

Now to show you a cartoon that points out an obvious thing: that Michael Moore is a fucking moron. Although it might not make the best case for it, it's nice to see people try. Especially when the same person made a previous cartoon about George Bush.

Stupid bashing makes me angry, but stupid equal opportunity bashing pacifies that anger.

This Boy Must Be Shot

A Fox anchorman gives a true candidate for retro abortion a real lickin'. Take that you fucking college commie asswipe. Learn before you open your mouth.

http://www.filecabi.net/v.php?file=MichaelCrook.wmv

The guy even looks like an idiot. You get the feeling the anchor man wants to kill this guy. And in defense of the guy who works for Fox,this shows that not all people against the war in Iraq are complete idiots, just misguided. Very misguided.

The boy being interview shows why some people shouldn't be allowed to spawn.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Shakespeare In The Park

Oh what fun we had! We'll skip over the fact that I was an hour late getting on the line and when Margaret and I went wondering around looking for a deli so that I might have some coffee and food.

First, I shall point out a fundamental difference between me and the Konescni clan: they can actually sit and read something while they are waiting. See, when I bring a book to some sort of waiting event where I am expecting to be with other people I know, I bring it only to read for the period of time I am going to be alone. You know, waiting for them to come, while they go to the bathroom, things of that manner.

These people can actually ignore human contact and read. I mean, I always thought waiting in line with friends was considered a social event. Hell, even John said he wanted it to be a social event. I mean, I spent most of the time before we started talking staring at them reading, amazed. I can't do that. I see an opportunity to socialize and I do just that.

In any case, I met Jason. He's cool. Too bad he's moving to Florida. Because Florida is awesome and he's going to school there. Lucky bastard's gonna get that all important Florida drivers license that gets you the discount to Disney...in any case.

We went to Unos after the line. After that I got on the train and went home.

When I came back Kat-Kat was there. (hurrah Kat-Kat!!) And we sat at the statue for a while while John talked to Inna, and subsequently deleted her from all his contacts lists. After he related this to me, we went into the park. Me, being annoying and demanding, wanted John to take me to see the castle up near the Delacorte Theatre. We did. And we scaled the castle walls as well. Because that's how me and John roll.

If only you know how hard I laughed after and while writing that line. Mainly because we actually did scale the castle walls, and it sounds like something we would normally joke about doing.

In any case, we climbed the rocks against the walls of the castle near Turtle Pond and then ran back to the theatre just before the play started. The play was fun. It was entertaining and the evening itself was very enjoyable as well as the day.

And the fact that there were no major incidents that got me in trouble in any way also makes me feel the day was a success. Hurrah not getting in trouble! Not only that John informally met my father. I'm sorta happy about that. It's not exactly a foot in the door to telling them about my friendship with John, but it's something. Although I am almost 100% sure dad's going to forget John within the next week if even that.

Super Movie Review!

Last night I saw the Fantastic Four, decent movie. Not too bad. I also saw Batman Begins a while ago, and forgot to put down my review for it: It was simply awesome. If I had to pick one of these movies to watch again, it would be Batman Begins. Just because it was so much better than any other of the Batman movies that had ever come out.

But this is not only to review the super hero movies that are out. It's about the super hero trend when it comes to movies. Now it might just be me, but I'm a wee bit worried. I don't want super hero movies to be cliche or overdone. Mainly cause they're so fun. We don't need super hero movies to go the way of the sappy 90s Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies.

So please. Save our super hero movies.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Olympic Food Wars

I heard on the radio that the French president Chirac, aka Froggy McStupidPants, made a crack at Britain. Because the Royal Family is about as useful as a stick at a automatic gun fight, Tony had to answer to this crack on his country.

Anyway Chirac said that British food is absolutely horrible, and the only agricultural contribution England has given to Europe is mad cow disease. And why was this crack made you might ask? It was made in order to deride England in front of the Olympic committee.

First of all, England's just trying to kill France and all those other idiots who were stupid enough to continue eating beef after the announcement was made. They were just testing out their new chemical weapons, and can't be blamed on using it a bunch of idiots. Besides, do you know how small the chances are of getting mad cow disease? Especially if you, I don't know, cook the meat. In any case, those idiots who eat steak tartar deserve to die, because eating raw meat's just wrong and unhealthy to begin with. Unlike sushi, which is just nasty.

Second, I really can't defend England on the food front. Mainly because I've never had what would be called "British Cuisine", but anyone who was about to think up the idea of deep frying anything and everything can't be that bad. Especially when what's being deep fried is Oreos.

Mmmm....Oreos....

In any case, Tony had a good response, saying that he refused to sink down to such a level and continuing this so called "Food War". Though he did have one thing to say: That he rather not go to the G8 conference and break bread with Chirac. Might not seem like much, compared to dear old Rover's recent insulting rampage, but it's very British. Which is good, combat French immaturity with British sophistication. Very good show.

In any case, Chirac shouldn't be talking. Yes his country has come up with a lot of good pastry stuff, but that's just over shadowed by the fact that they eat frog legs, and that's just nasty.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy Fourth Everyone!

Happy Fourth of July all you patriots out there! Today's the day in 1776 on which our founding fathers decided to put on paper exactly what was pissing them off so much that they were rebelling against those annoying limeys. Besides the fact that they were tired of having to deal with fashions that made them look like Liberace only gayer.

I mean come on, I know afterward they still wore those stockings and wigs, but the Brits took it to the extreme. Or was that the French? Doesn't matter, everyone was emulating what the Frogs were wearing back then.

In any case, I would indulge you in some tactical info about the war, but that's not my department. You'd wanna talk to
Jason about that, although i don't know if he's doing one for today. He should though...Because he's an American. But enough about what I can't supply you with, lets talk about what I can tell you about: my view of what happened to lead to this important day in our history.

In my opinion this is the day that defines what Americans are: a group you don't want to fuck with. I mean, lets look at this from how they teach it in fourth or third grades. What they generally teach is that the British wanted, and did, raise the tax on tea in order to get more money. The Americans got pissed at this, having not being represented in the British law making body when the acts were passed. (aka they famous taxation without representation when it came to making the Stamp and Tea Acts that pissed us off)

Okay so lets look at it simply and in a more...Well I don't think adult is what I want to say, but we'll go with an adult stand point based on the little information we are given:

The American colonist started a violent rebellion and raised hell because the Brits placed taxes on their breakfast drinks and playing cards among other things. We took our muskets and bayonets, and went out killing anyone who was unfortunate enough to be wearing a red coat at the time. This was the American Revolution.

Now really, if this was the begining of our history, why would anybody want to mess with us? For Christ's sake, our original flag was a rattle snake, fangs bared, with the phrase "Don't Step On Me" if I am not mistaken. The only reason we didn't go with that was because a woman named Besty Ross gave us another flag to use because the original was wouldn't be very diplomatic.

Well, that's my July Fourth rant. Happy July 4th everyone! Go shoot a liberal in celebration!

Feel The Temptation...

don't click this link...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Lessons in Death

Greetings to all my readers! Hopefully you haven't abandoned my blog due to lack of entries, but I assure you it was with good reason that I haven't been doing my entries...

On June 26 my grandfather on my father's side died. I had to fly out to Puerto Rico and take care of some family things. You know, tending to the sick and burying the dead take precedence over blog entries. But I have learned a few things on my week long stay in Puerto Rico. Things about my opinions on death, as well as some things about my family.

First off, I understand the pain associated with someone dying. When I heard he died I felt horrible. But that same day I was, well I guess you can say I was over it. Not that my feelings for him lessened, no not at all. It's just saying that I wasn't...I don't know how to put it. I guess I was less clingy believe it or not. I didn't feel that sense of sorrow or disbelief that those around me felt. I mean, I looked at him and thought "He's gone. That isn't him in there, that's his body. What made him him is, well, gone. "

And I guess that's what separated, or separates me from the people there. I knew that that wasn't him, and that helped everything. It might sound sorta cold and distant, but it's true. We were there in memory of him, but it seemed as if we were there for his body, which is just an empty shell.

Another thing was the period of mourning afterward. To me, such a thing is waste of time. This is not to say that there shouldn't be any type of wake and that the body should just be dumped into the ground. Even I'm not that cold, at least not today. It's just saying that mourning the dead any longer than the three days my family takes it sorta pointless. Not that one shouldn't cut out all feelings on the inside. No not at all. Feeling the loss as you go on with your life shows that you're human and have a soul. But see, that's the point: as you go on with your life. You don't shut down pull a Roman funeral (no pun intended) Where for a few weeks you stop existing.

There are no vengeful spirits who will come to smite you and yours if you don't "properly" mourn, and fuck what your neighbors think because they're a bunch of asses. Keep the memory of your dearly departed in your hearts and in your minds, but continue with life. You might just end up getting stuck in a vicious cycle of grief and mourning if you pull on of these. But then again, some people are comforted by such things, and good for them. This is just my opinion.

Another lesson I shall state is that Pentecostals are fucking nuts. My uncle's wife on my father's side is one and oh boy...What a trip.

First off these people are psycho. They thinks Harry Potter is they devil's butler, and that Pokemon is a tool used by the Church of Satan to recruit children into the legion of darkness and lustful blood smothered hell fire orgies. Great stuff for a Deaver novel, but not at all true. Although, as pointed out by my ever observant and...Cheerful...Companion JohnK, they just very well might be. To which I say, "Better to be surfing on the lake of fire, reading some Harry Potter and listening to Nirvana than in Heaven listening to Garth Brooks and reading Jane Ere."

Hey, it's true. Some people might enjoy that sort of thing, but I myself do not.

In any case this, coupled with the appearance driven mourning of my grandmother ended up in me having to deal with Gabby, my cousin from the Pentecostal and my father's brother. Sweet kid, but is out of control. Seriously, one good smack against the kid's head or one good yelling is what he needs. But she doesn't believe in that, so goodie for me.

In any case, I shall explain this later. For now I take my leave. Good bye.

Medical Billing Software
Medical Billing Software