Monday, May 30, 2005

Soon I Shall Begin My Life's Labor...

I case any of you are interested, I am soon to begin construction on part two of my Frank J. Parody entitled: Episode II: Attack of the Silicon

Eh, eh? What you think of the title? Catchy ain't it?

Well, it really doesn't matter what you think of the title in the long run. It is absolutely perfect because I have come up with it. And since I'm practically perfect in every way...Well, you can come to that conclusion by yourselves can't you?

In any case, I'm going to take up this labor of absolute love because I'm done with another story I've been working on. The story behind this story is that I read (or if you asked JohnyK, had read to me) a Buffy the Vamp Slayer fan-fic that he and his loverly sister wrote. There happened to be one character that took my interest, Marco, and because of that character I was inspired to take up my fan-fic writing again. Of course, I had to include him in the story.

I know it sounds lame, but I beg to differ. When the story is done being proof read and is posted on, I will post the link. Allowing you to see the glory that is my literary writings.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Covert Operative Roman reporting for duty Sir...

It seems that one of my lackeys, one by the name of Linda, is having problems believing that I am some what of the conservative/republican like mindset...

I promised myself not to make this blog into that of the normal female my age would create. One which they go about ranting and raving about friendships and crushes, boyfriends and break-ups, as well as fights and peer-pressures of the like. Mainly because it is not interesting to write about anymore (mainly since EVERY teen in America is doing it) and I don't want my personal business spewed all over the net like Clinton's dirty laundry. Therefore, I shall look at this with a my uniquely different view.

As I listen to her go on about how I can't possibly be a Republican, and that, like she would do, I am brainlessly following the example of someone I look up to and care for dearly (JohnyK of course) in order to impress him. I look at this stupidity as a key: maybe, just maybe, if I can fool this little liberal lackey, why can't I fool the rest? I, in my awe-inspiring glory, can aid my fellows in taking down the annoying and often strangle-worthy group of sub-humans.

I mean, think about it. If one was foolish enough to take me on face value alone, I seem to look like the average skater/rocker urbanite that many other New York citizens my age are. And then, as people who take other people solely on face value usually do, they would assume I am of the lackey liberal mindset. Taking up a state of mind mainly because I either like the parades, I believe the crap spewing out of these pseudo political experts mouths (aka hippies who have some sort of remaining grudge against "the man") or I'm too high to know the difference.

This would be their costly mistake. They would befriend me, trust me, and then soon let me into their French loving ranks. This is when I would strike! Coming down upon them in a blaze of conservative glory! Then, of course, if other Liberals ask me why I am doing this, I will give them an excuse that they will not soon fight: I was aborting them. Don't look at me like that, it's true. I'm just going to conduct some late-term abortions is all. I mean, these people are for abortion right? So why would there be any problems?

Sadly, I cannot give out any more information about my mission. Any specific details given might be discovered by the target and I will be blacklisted from their group. So, as a closing, I will say just this: Covert Operative Roman, reporting for duty on long term operation 92nd Trimester abortion. ^_^

Ps> If you mind this to be one of my lamer entries, I have only this to say: Fuck you. I'm doing my best here. Funny doesn't grow off trees. Everyone's entitles to their off days, or weeks, or months...Possibly years, but still. I'm entitles to a period of not funny and damnit I'm practicing my right.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I Don't Even KNOW How to React to This

I read this right before my third period Earth Science class, and started to laugh until my stomach was killing me. I, of course being my benevolent and gracious self, have copied the article word for word below.

Life of the party:
PORN star Mary Carey is set to spice up the National Republican Congressional Committee's "Salute to Freedom" dinner with President Bush next month. The former fringe candidate for California governor and star of "Lesbian Big Boob Bangeroo 2" and "Thumpin' Melons" will be the guest of her boss, Kick Ass Pictures president Mark Kulkis, an honorary chairman of the NRCC's Business Advisory Council. The prurient pair will also attend a lunch with top Bush advisor Karl Rove, who Carey hopes will give her tips on her planned run for California lieutenant governor next year.

...Am I the ONLY person who goes into a fit of hysterical giggles at thinking of Rover meeting with this porn star and her pimp? I mean, how the hell did she even get a meeting set up with him? Which person, or how many persons, did she have to sleep with to get this? And then she's asking him for advice?

I just...I can't...I'm sorry I need a moment to stop laughing...This definitely proves how strange a place California is...

Okay, this is something I definitely have to send to Frank J., as well as include in my story Ode to Frank J. Redux. (coming soon to the blog in front of you!) But seriously, somebody tell me I'm not the only one who's tickled silly with the idea of this.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Death Should Come Swiftly To These...

As a quick explanation for this entry, I shall quote a line from a quaint little ditty I've heard around the way during my many travels and encounters with the citizens of this plane of existence:

"As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!"

--"They'll None of 'Em Be Missed"
The Mikado

These are in no particular order.

  • guys who claim gentlemen, but act like total pigs
  • people who push you out of the way, (although there is no need), and then look at you as if you have some sort of hideous growth on your face
  • idiot drivers...No explanation needed
  • people who participate in constant, unnecessary cellphone use in public and talk so loud that you're practically in the conversation, or might as well be
  • hippies
  • people who take up political interests in order to seem cool or impress someone of the opposite sex (or same depending on your tastes)
  • people who hide their true agendas and messages in guises that get people to unknowingly support their true cause and purposes (I.E. GreenPeacers hiding their anti-corporal message as "concern" for the environment)
  • speaking of GreenPeacers, they should die too...But then again most of them are hippies so this is repetitive
  • oh, and PETA...Every hypocritical member at PETA, especially their Vice President who takes dog insulin in strict DISREGARD of PETA's beliefs
  • shallow people, who don't give anyone who doesn't look like they belong in an Armani Exchange catalog consideration as a fellow human
  • skinny women, and I don't mean thin or naturally boney...I mean women who PURPOSELY make themselves disturbingly thin for "beauty's sake"
  • people who wear Che shirts and think that they're so hip...Commies are not cool! Especially commies who were responsible for the death of thousands of people
  • extreme left and extreme right people (although killing the extreme right would be hard since they have all the guns...)
  • people who won't admit that they are against gay marriage because it creeps them out
  • any who insults my Pope and my church...If I haven't done them in already
  • people who attend, teach and have requested DaVinci Code classes in their schools
  • 9/11 conspiracy theorist...Don't make me explain this one...It just makes me intensely angry
  • annoying government protesters
  • anybody, and I mean ANYBODY who has ever owned anything that says, or remotely resembles the phrase "No Blood For Oil!"
  • people who make a good book look absolutely horrible by creating a HORRIFIC movie version...
  • the person who invented shredded wheat if they are not already dead...Such a nasty thing, shredded wheat. Just God awful, even with the frosting.
  • Michael Moore and all the people who think he is the voice of our generation and that everything he says is the gospel truth, just slaughter them all.

These are not, I repeat, NOT all the people who are on my list. I left out the obvious. If I were to include everyone I wanted to, I would be here until next morning. If you are on the list, well too bad. I feel sorry for you on the day of my retribution. Better start repenting...

Even Perfect People Make Errors

Yes, yes, I know it's shocking that someone as perfect as I could make a mistake, but I have. Do not worry though, I reassure you that I have stopped the Universe from falling apart because of it. Just one more thing you mortals must praise me for...

In any case, I had just realized that the REASON I wasn't getting any comments on my blog isn't because it's not any good. I mean, of course it's good. It's fanstastic, glorious, awe-inspiring...not to mention whimsical and amusing. Why wouldn't anybody want to comment and give me my due praise? Yes, I found out that the comment were set at the default setting of that "only registered users can comment". I have quickly changed this before going to grace the mortals at my school with my presence, knowing how you are all dying to tell me how great i am...

Yet again i apologize for the faults of those around me...Thank you.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Admittance To My Bastard Child

I...I have a confession to make. In making this confession, I only hope that I am not letting any of my friends, nor my comrade JohnK down when I say this.

*sigh* This is so hard to say.

While visiting some scientist friends of mine, I played around with a time machine and was sent back to 1964, to the set of My Fair Lady. It was there, and then, when I met the true love of my life. He was an older man, yes, but he was so dashing and humorous. I can say right now, and at any other time of my life, that I will never love another man like I loved Sir Rex Harrison.

It was a whirlwind romance that was very sadly short lived, seeing as that I had to return to my own time. But before I did, we shared one last glorious embrace. It was a night filled with laughter, love, and of course dancing. In fear of sounding like I'm making a lame pun, I wont say what I felt I could have done with him all night. Then again...there were other things that we did do...all night.

Well, when I returned, I found out that Rex had left me with more than just a few good memories.

Yes, I was pregnant with Rex Harrison's child thirteen years after his death by pancreatic cancer. I had more to worry about than what I was going to tell his wife Mercia and my parents. Then again, Rexie was always known for going around with other women. But I know that he really loved me the most. But how would he be able to explain falling in love with a teenage girl from the future?

Well, I took the time machine back to tell Rex. We hugged and cried, knowing that it would never work out. So, asking my scientist friends for a hand, I stayed in the past with Rex for the time of my pregnacy. (an android was taking my place for the time I was gone) When the baby was born, we named gave him a name, and Rex said his good-byes.

The baby and I returned to the future, and I yet again went to my scientist friends. They offered a solution, but it involved me never being able to hold my baby again, or have him remember me. I loved my baby so much, that I gave him up for a process called cartoonification. He was...turned into a cartoon, and now lives with a loving, caring family. I can see him whenever I want, and so can you.

My beloved Steward now lived with the Griffins in Quaghog, Rhode Island. You can tell he takes after me and his father, especially dear Rex. I will always love him, no matter what. And I know that deep inside he loves and misses me too. I mean, that's why he's so angry at women. Because he feels empty inside, and no woman can fill that but his mother. Well, maybe, someday, I'll call him back to me. Someday...

Friday, May 20, 2005

A Review From Someone Truly On The DarkSide


*reaches over to record player, puts needle on record. Darth Vador entrance music plays*

Greetings young padwons! I apologize for not updating very recently, but I had to prepare myself for the coming of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I went to see this film on the force today with my fellow Jedi, Master JohnnyK. (no relation to SarahK) Here is my review to all you followers to the Force.

The movie was very good. Contrary to what was announced on AOL, it had nothing to do with Bush. Then again, there was a scene that conjured up thoughts of Hitler's Third Reich, and some of these idiots really think that the Bush Administration is an actual rebirth of such a group.

Unlike what some people were afraid of, the movie equally focused on the story as well as the fight scenes and special effects. Also, something must be said about the casting. There was just as much thought put behind this aspect of the movie as there was on any other part. The actors casted for Luke's uncle and aunt, as JohhnyK so neatly put it "looked creepily like a younger version of the ones in the first Star Wars". I would hope so, but then again they could have given it no thought at all.

The New York Times said that Revenge of the Sith is possibly the best moive of the Star Wars series. I wouldn't go as far as to say that, but i will say one thing. It is the movie that got the most thought put into it. It was a perfect blending of special effects and storytelling. I think people sort of lost faith in Lucas after Episode I, which is quite...quite understandable. But i think Lucas realized his duty to the fans and pulled through. Others might say different, but they're just saying that because they're angry they were wrong about Lucas caring...or at least his staff caring.

That is it for now. May the force be with you young padwons.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

High School Elections

Yes, dear friends, elections are fast approaching in my high school, the lovely Bayard Rustin School for the Humanities. Well, in being my magnificently generous self, I have decided to run in this year's election. I mean, how can I be so cold hearted and selfish and keep my glorious, awe-inspiring self away from all of my poor peers who have yet to experience me. It's an act of grave inhumane behavior to do such a thing. So, not able to keep such horrid sins on my conscience, I will share myself through my elected office.

In stating such, I shall now proclaim my manifesto...erm...Itinerary for my time in elected office, as shall be announced in my election speech:

Fellow students, my comrades in the learning process, I thank you for your votes. To those who voted for me, I promise you a year of my very best, given to you. I will fight for better learning conditions. Conditions in which both the student and the teacher will be able to function to the best of their abilities. I will fight for our rights as students...No, not as students. As people, to be recongized as such. We are more than just an I.D. number in a computer, or a file in a cabinet. We are more than just a statistic, or part of a quota, or a thing to just tossed about without any thought or consideration. We are people. Just as the faculty at this school are people, so are we, and deserve to be treated as such. We can be talked to, we can be reasoned with, we have the ability to know what we want and need and voice these thoughts, and we should get the chance to do such things. To be able to voice our opinions without being looked down upon as idiotic, stupid, or unable to reason. We, should be seen as equal.

But there are those, who will get in the way of the vision I share for us who are able to reason, and this is an issue that has to be dealt with.

All those who are found to be unable to meet with the new ideals of this school will taken for re-education purposes. The basement shall now be quartered off for such purposes. Re-education shall include a core curriculum that shall serve as an tool to better the minds of those found to be unfit. A standard of intolerance for behavior contrary to that of the afore mentioned standards will be in effect. Punishments shall include more rigorous re-education, solitary confinement in the rooms adjacent to the abandoned pool (also located in the basement) and flogging. Those who show constant disregard to their new coarse of studies and what behavior is to be expected of them shall be moved to a separate holding cell that shall be located at the abandoned pool across from the solitary confinement rooms. They will be left to fend for themselves. Since these cases will then be seen from then on out as having no chance of re-education, or offering something useful for the future, we shall leave stock piles of fully loaded semi-automatic guns with the safety lock off in hopes that they shall exterminate themselves and we won't have to get involved. In order to protect those who are not found to be such a waste of humanity, the walls, ceilings, floors and doors of this chamber shall be bullet proofed and completely secured with constant surveillance.

Of course, we will take away the dead bodies at the end of the school day, clean the pool room and offer our full condolences to the families.

On an additional note, we have identified through hand writing analyze those who had voted for they opposing parties. Those people (as well as socialist, hippies, communist, liberals, and all other people who are seen as unfit in the eyes of the mighty Frank J.) shall automatically be thrown in with the total retards in the abandoned pool with the semi-automatics, and shall be retrained to one place.

Again, I thank you for your votes, and look forward to leading you all into a year that will hopefully open up the doors to a new era of prosperous learning and fond memories for the staff and students of Bayard Rustin School for the Humanities. Well, at least with those who will not be resigning to the re-education center. Thank you for you time and attention, and God bless.

This might be too strong an itinerary for some, but trust me. If you new my school, you would know it is the right thing to do. Though there still is the problem in what to do with the resistant people when they have been done away with. Maybe we can you them in the science department...examine their brain and see what made them tick...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Real Life "Runaway Bride"

Now let me start this off by sayig that I'm one for marriage. As of now, in state of thinking, marriage and children are my main goal in life. Yes, I know it's weird to find someone one, a female to be more precise, that actually has marriage as a main goal, but if you haven't noticed by now...I'm not your typical person. I think it's a very noble thing for a woman to stay home and raise her kids. I say this because my mother did not do such a thing, and look how i came out. Not that i don't like who i am, no, far from it. But i think it would be better for the world if there wasn't another me, or another kid who calls grandma "mom" and mom by their first name.

With that being said i go onto the subject of one Jennifer Wilbanks and the events of the last month. For anybody who hasn't been watching CNN, or has been living under a rock, i will leave a link for the CNN page that has an article.

Now that you have aquinted yourself with the tale, i will offer one point that might not be offered in the article itself: her husband still wants to marry her.

"Poor little Jenny," some people have remarked, "She was stressed and pressured into this. She doesnt deserve to be villianized or chastised or derided for her actions. She's nuts after all." True, the girl is nuts. But there are some things that i just dont get about this...

First of all, i understand the nervous breakdown. From what i have gathered, she was little Miss Perfect for most of her life. She was expected by both families, who were practicing baptist, to go through with this, and there was no person in her life that she could talk to about her fears. So of course she broke down. Put too much weight into a car while its already going full speed and it's bound to start to spark, then burst into a ball of flame. This, basically, is what happened to our little southern belle.

She was under terrific stress. We all now that. And i really can't blame her for running away, but there is one thing i cant understand for the life of me. Why make up the story? She claims she didnt know that it would cause such a sensation, but how cant you? Even a nutso can firgure out that an all-american rich white woman who was about to get married in a matter of days being kidnapped by a hispanic man and white woman while jogging and taken to Albuquerque was going to make the news. Hello, if the media caught on, any idiot can. I mean, idiots are what make up the bulk of the press arent they?

And other thing, why make him hispanic? One answer offered to me is that making him black would have not been too P.C. My answer: hispanic is very "P.C." either. God, why does it always have to be a damn minority doing the kidnapping? White people kidnapp their own kind too. Besides ever since Cochran's death, us minorities have been light stepping about committing major crimes. Especially if they involve white woman in any way shape or form.

And to answer John's comment: no, adding a white female as his accomplice does not blance it out. It was still a racist thing to say.

I don't know. I give up. This woman went nuts, but just went too far. I think that woman should be knocked into her sense. Excuse me, i'm going to find her.

Monday, May 09, 2005

World Holiday

Yes, today is a national holiday for all to celebrate! Parades should be lining the streets, and children should play and cheer! For today is the most sacred of all days! It is the day when I, yes I, Raquel Roman was born!

*crickets chirp*

What? No flags? No parades? No little old men on mopeds with fezes riding around in my honor? HOW DARE YOU DISHONOR ME IN SUCH A MANNER? You shall all pay! Do you here me? YOU SHALL ALL SUFFER!! My minions shall come forth one day an smite you all.

In any case, I haven't updated because I went to Florida. Yes, the I graced the Great Chad State with my presence for a week. How blessed they were that I decided their ground was suitable for my feet to step upon. But I was not over there simply for pleasure. No, I was on a mission which had two parts:

1) Find, stalk, trap and capture the one known as Frank J. and bring him back to New York so that he might be able to bask in my glory for the rest of his days. (cause lets face it, I feel bad that he cannot have that privilege so I felt I should grant him that)
2) Get one of those Mickey Mouse ice cream sandwiches. (their so YUMMY!!)

The second objective of my mission statement was easily done. I very much enjoyed that frozen treat, and then turned my attentions elsewhere...

My plan was to do so: I would place some bait in an opening that was both clear and secluded, yet in a place where he was very likely to go. I would wait in the nearby foliage or whatever cover is offered, until he bit, and then jump him, knock him out, and BlackMarket-FedX him to New York in a roomy, hole punched box.

Before setting out on this mission, I first had to obtain some bait. It was very easy to talk a group of stoned hippies into protesting against the war and presidency. Especially if you threw in some cookie dough to secure the deal. I set them to protesting in front of a large building in downtown Tallahasse, and hit behind a mail box.

I caught poor old Jebbie about eight times, and i think Rumsfeld came about when i went on a bathroom break because i came back to find them all dead and stranggled. Or maybe it was John Had to go about looking for some new ones. Found them playing that stupid hack-e-sack game they like to play. It also cost me the rest of my cookie dough.

I returned that day to an empty hotel room and called join, to ask if he was the one who killed my first gaggle of hippies. This is when he informed me that Frank J. was in Texas.

Yes well, that seemed to put a cramp in my plans didn't it. Oh well, next time.

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